Really Rad Album Covers:

Alright! Don't get me wrong here. I'm far from being a huge Rolling Stones fan. It's just that once I acknowledged one of their album covers for its beauty (?) I then started to rediscover how brilliant many of the others were. So I got kind of carried away writing this issue's section of "really rad album covers," and it turned into sort of a concept piece. Maybe next issue I'll try doing it on the worst Rolling Stones album covers, 'cause these guys have had quite their fair-share of album art atrocities also. So.....here we go......

Once the Rolling Stones left the 1960's, their music slowly got increasingly "bammer." But, one medium that the Stones stayed pretty hip on was album cover art (at least until the early eighties anyway.) The Stones (as we'll call them from here on out) may just hold the record for the most gluttonous spending on record cover packaging in the history of the 12 inch. From the late '60's psychedelic crackerjack toy supris-esque hologram front of "Their Satanic Majesty's Request" to the Andy Warhol conception of the "Sticky Fingers" cover which consists of a frontal view photo of a man's jeans that comes complete with a real workable zipper sewn into the front. The "package" that lies beneath the cover packaging is a picture of a huge unerect penis wrapped snugly in a pair of "tighty-whities." The "package" underneath in question is supposedly that of Mr. Warhol's janitor at the time of his art studio, The Factory. How's that for music trivia???

Another one of their covers that I'm pretty fond of is "Some Girls." Though it is similar in concept and color scheme to something very "Warhol-esque," it was done by some guy named Peter Corriston. For who all I know is some innovative pop-art icon from the '70's, but I'm not really too "up" on that kinda shit. So.... um.... anyway the cover is made to look like a newspaper advertisement for wigs from the 1950's, only all the faces of the female models are cut out to expose the ugly mugs of everyone's favorite jurassic-rock band in drag on the inner sleeve. If your really flyin' high on Robitussin like I am (or just plain bored) you can move the inner sleeve in and out of the cover to see what the Stones look like with different women's wigs on. A real treat for morons like myself. This must've been a printer's worst fuckin' nightmare.

Last but not least in this section, I'll give an honorable mention to the record cover of "Emotional Rescue." Though considered by most to be the record where the Stones took a wrong turn musically, I highly disagree. This was probably the last OK record containing such forgotten favorites as "Summer Romance," "Where the Boys Go," "She's Soo Cold," and every one's favorite LSD, Disco, Stalker anthem within it's title track. Actually, now that I think about it, most of the record does suck. But enough about that shit called music. Let's talk about the artwork. This one is not near as intricate as those previously mentioned, but it looks really nice in its display of the "boys'" faces in infrared. Sort of like those Gatorade commercials from a few years back where you got to see what exactly it is that Gatorade does for that "Deep Down Body Thirst." The vinyl version comes with a huge-assed poster of much the same kinda stuff. The Stones were obviously spending their "hard-earned" money on much more than coke and smack. Anyway, until next time...... Tune in, Turn off, and Drop Dead!

Love, Chris

Really Bad Album Covers:

I want to make a point that I hate the word "rad." Yet another article that begins with a disclaimer. I guess I'll start this section straight off by stating that there's a very, very, very fine line between what I view as good and bad. And to tell the truth, I find all these record covers strangely attractive in a very marred sort of way. They make me feel like a naughty little boy who just got away with doing something very bad. Kind of the same feeling I get when I look at Tori Spelling. Good or bad? These album covers have all decorated my walls at one time or another. And within saying that may I add that I have spent more than my fair share of time staring at them under the influence of various substances...

So what I lay before you now is sort of my interpretation of what's going on within these four record jackets, another concept piece if you will. This one on comp records. Let's start this lil' story off with the cover of "Rough Riders." In this picture you see what appears to be a four by four emerging from the heavens onto the edge of a cliff. Who and how could this be you ask? JESUS, IN A TRUCK YOU DUMB FUCK! DUH! That's who. And why is he doing this you might add. Because he's ready to "Take His Job and Shove it!" and why shouldn't he? Ridicule and blasphemy, no one gives a good goddamn about the guy anymore. So why not take a vacation to earth in your off-road truck for a little pay back and a few over-priced tall boys from the Stop and Shop. Yeah! That's right! It's time for some drinkin', drivin', and debauchery, Jesus style! So after destroying a few nonbeliever's private property, lets now park the truck and go on over to the scenario on the cover of "ChartBlasters." Jesus is really coming home on this one to let the hits of the sixties know who really is number one. God is sick and tired of retro sixties pop music and is about to unleash his wrath on the work of bricklayers all over the world. Notice the two rollerskaters in each corner trying to get the hell out of God's way. Rollerbladers and sheetrock layers better take extra caution 'cause this lil' carpenter means business. So after a hard day of restoring peace, love, and understanding into the big blue marble, it is now time to drive back off the cliff he off-roaded in on and go back home to heaven. What you see going on in the cover of "Rowdy Country" is what happens when Mrs. Jesus won't let the man of the house in the door. You can just imagine the scenario now. "God dammit woman! You better open this goddamn door. I just took down the gates of heaven with my four by four and sure as hell ain't scared to take this fucker down." I mean... give the guy a goddamn break. Jesus! So....that concludes this issue's "Bad Album Covers" section.

Any complaints can be made directly to Michelle Cable c/o Panache Magazine.